How Do You Help Your Parents When They Don’t Think They Need It?

Donna Nichols • December 4, 2020

When Your Parents Need Help But They Don’t Think They Do…

Here it is December and the holidays are upon us. You are planning on spending time with Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa. You arrive to find things are not what they have always been.

What do you do now?

This is a very common situation we see every day. You talk to them on the phone weekly/daily and you have no idea things are this bad. It’s amazing how they can fool us. It’s not intentional; they believe they are doing just fine.

You could be seeing confusion, lack of short-term memory, sense of being overwhelmed or burdened. Medication could be mismanaged and nutrition and hydration are minimal.

Observe: are they eating properly, taking their medication correctly, drinking water, hydrating?

Are they in a routine? Is one caring for the other?

I see this happening daily in my business; I am a senior advocate. I work with families on this unknown journey. WE take baby steps . First, get eyes in the house. There are many ways you can do that, speak with their PCP (Primary Care Physician).

Request orders for home health, physical therapy, occupational therapy, skilled nursing. It’s covered by their health insurance and it gives you a baseline to start. It helps their doctors see what’s happening as well.

If there is no reason to order home health, there are other things available.

You can start with a baby cam in the kitchen so you can observe what’s happening from that perspective. Are they eating?

I had a client that every time the daughter purchased food and put it in the refrigerator, she waited for her to leave and she cleaned it all out and threw all the food away.

She had early-stage dementia and her OCD was causing her to get rid of clutter. In her case, she had lost substantial weight and that was the first clue.

A new technology that’s available is AI (artificial intelligence). It’s nonevasive, no camera, not wearable. It works with sensors placed in the home to learn the patterns of your loved one. Once it learns their routine it can monitor falling, food intake, reduction in walking speed, wandering during the night, not getting out of bed, increased bathroom activity.

It can also monitor their heart rate in bed. The family can have an app on their phone that can alert them to issues and it can be monitored by a local home health company.

Knowledge is power, if you know the progression of your loved ones aging process you can plan for whatever comes your way. When it’s time to get a specialist involved, call a Neurologist or Cardiologist.

Do they need someone setting up their medications or need an automated dispenser? Should someone be coming in a few days a week to help? Is it time to plan for assisted living ?

All these things are now in your hands, it’s terrible but reality.

You’ve become their parent.

Breathe and realize there are people out there to help you.

One word of wisdom I must share, “YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE THE BAD GUY”!

Make the bad guy the doctor, the advocate, motor vehicle division – anyone but YOU, the person they need to know is in their corner.

If you need help or encouragement as a Caregiver give us a call at  386-847-2322  or check out our  Caregiver Support Group. Our  Senior Advisors  are here to walk with you through this journey.
By Donna Nichols November 13, 2025
As Thanksgiving approaches, we’re reminded that gratitude isn’t just a holiday tradition — it’s a way of life. At Assisted Senior Services, we see it daily: in the quiet strength of caregivers, the wisdom of our seniors, and the small moments that make a big difference. We believe gratitude is more than a feeling. It’s a practice. A way of seeing the world, even in challenging times. For seniors, caregivers, and families, this season can stir a mix of emotions. There may be joy in gathering, but also grief, fatigue, or change. That’s why we hold space for all of it — and honor the quiet strength it takes to keep showing up with love. Gratitude doesn’t erase hardship, but it helps us carry it. It reminds us that even in uncertainty, there are still ordinary gifts: a warm hand to hold, a shared laugh, a moment of peace. Whether you’re caring for a loved one, navigating new challenges, or simply pausing to reflect, this season invites us to slow down and appreciate the ordinary gifts around us — a warm smile, a shared story, a helping hand. We are grateful for: • The families who trust us to walk alongside them, through transitions and triumphs. • The caregivers who show up with compassion and grace. • The caregivers who offer comfort, dignity, and patience every single day. • The seniors who teach us resilience, humor, and the value of every day – reminding us of what really matters. This Thanksgiving, we honor your journey. We celebrate your courage. And we’re here to support you — not just during the holidays, but all year long. So, whether your Thanksgiving is bustling or quiet, traditional or tender, we hope you find something to hold onto — and someone to hold it with. From all of us at Assisted Senior Services, thank you for being part of our community. We’re honored to support you, and we wish you a season filled with warmth, connection, and care. Happy Thanksgiving!
By Donna Nichols November 5, 2025
A Tender Season for Tender Hearts As the holidays approach, grief can feel especially sharp. The empty chair at the table, the missing voice in a favorite carol, the traditions once shared—all can stir deep memories and longing. This season, give yourself permission to feel it all. Whether you're lighting a candle in remembrance or simply sitting quietly with your thoughts, know that your love still lives at every moment you honor it. You're not alone in this. Many are walking through the holidays with tender hearts, and together, we can find comfort, connection, and peace. When Someone You Love Is Gone: Grief in Our Later Years As we grow older, we come to understand life in ways we never could when we were young. We learn what truly matters. We value time, quiet moments, and the people who’ve shared the journey with us. And sometimes, we find ourselves facing one of life’s most difficult truths: saying goodbye to someone we’ve loved for decades. Loss in our later years feels different, whether it’s a spouse, a sibling, a lifelong friend, or a partner in the everyday routines of life. It comes after a shared history, after raising families, building homes, facing hard times, and celebrating joys. When that kind of bond is broken, the world doesn’t just feel quieter. It feels unfamiliar. A Different Kind of Grief Grief in our senior years carries a certain weight. It’s not just about the person we’ve lost—it’s about the life we built with them—the morning coffee routines, the inside jokes no one else would understand, the hand we held through every season of life. It’s also about identity. Many lose someone they love and a part of who they were when they were with them. There’s no time limit to this kind of sorrow. Some days, we might feel strong and steady. Other days, a photograph or a familiar song can bring us to our knees. That’s the nature of deep love—it echoes. Quiet Spaces After a loss, the house can feel too big. The calendar is too empty. Conversations can feel lonelier without the one who always knew what to say—or when not to say anything. But it’s okay to feel those things. You’re not doing anything wrong if grief lingers. You’re not expected to "move on" in any set amount of time. Some losses become part of who we are. We carry the people we love with us—not just in memory but in the way we live—in the recipes we still make, the phrases we still say, and the stories we still tell. Finding Comfort, Bit by Bit There may come a day when you feel the sun again—not just on your skin, but in your spirit. A day when the laughter of grandchildren warms something inside you. When you speak your loved one’s name and smile instead of crying. These moments are not betrayals of your grief. They’re signs of your love still growing, still finding new ways to live in the world. You are allowed joy, rest, and the ability to miss them forever while still living a beautiful life. You’re Not Alone If you’re walking through grief now, take heart in knowing you’re not walking alone. In these later chapters of life, many of us are navigating the same path. And sometimes, just speaking their name or sharing a story over a cup of tea can make all the difference. Let others in. Join a group, call an old friend, or write down your thoughts. Sometimes, healing comes not from forgetting but from remembering—together. Because love doesn't end. Not with age. Not with time. Not even with death. It simply changes shape and stays with us, always. Assisted Senior Services hosts a grief support group on the first Wednesday of each month at All Saints Lutheran Church, 751 Dunlawton Ave., Port Orange, FL. The group begins at 5:00 p.m. Please join us should you need support; it is free to attend.
By Donna Nichols October 3, 2025
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