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Dealing With Irrational Elderly Parents – Tips That Work

Donna Nichols • July 25, 2022

Do you have stubborn parents? Will they not listen to you because they are the parent? How do you get them to listen? How can you possibly get through to them?

Here are some tips to help you deal with your irrational parents .

Communication is essential!

You must be able to communicate with your parents in order to deal with them effectively. You will need communication to discuss with them the important aspects such as their health, finances, living arrangements and legal documents.

Speak to them like they are adults.

Do NOT undermine them by speaking to them like they are children; this will only make them angry! Remember they are the parents and you are the child, speak and treat them as such. Empower them and involve them in each and every decision.

Be patient and persistent.

You will probably not be able to accomplish everything in one sitting. You may need to bring things up several different times, so please be patient, especially if your loved one has Alzheimer’s or a related dementia. Too much information at one time can make them feel as if they are losing control over the situation, so be patient, but persistent at the same time. Put yourself in their shoes and it may help with your patience.

Don't be judgemental

Don’t be judgmental and criticize them; this will only put them on the defensive. Be sensitive, talk to them in a way as you are concerned for their well-being. Don’t just come out and tell them they can’t care for themselves any longer. This won’t work: You can’t even fix your own meals! This may work better: "I’m just so concerned that you’re not eating well, you look like you are losing weight." Think before you speak.

Spend time with them

Spend as much time with them as you possibly can. They will appreciate the extra time with you especially if they feel like you are not just squeezing them into your busy day.

Ask questions

Ask them plenty of questions. Make sure they feel involved in each and every aspect of the decisions being made concerning their future. Ask open-ended questions , not questions they can answer with a simple yes or no. Of course, don’t press an issue if they start to get frustrated. Take a break and address the issue later or another day.

Stay Calm

No matter what, stay calm. They know things are changing and are more than likely scared, speak to them calmly and with love and it will help ease their minds that the changes that are coming will be okay.

Take care of yourself

Find help for YOU! Staying calm and patient will not be easy to maintain; find some outside support for yourself. You may find an online group, have the time to see a counselor, or perhaps discover Yoga, but find something that works for you and your time schedule.

Timing is everything! You will not resolve anything if everyone is feeling stressed or experiencing anxiety! Make sure you and your parents are having a nice, relaxing day. Remember, if you are stressed, they will pick up on it and feel anxious too.

Listen to what they're NOT saying

Listen not only to what they are saying, but to what they are NOT saying. Do they not want to talk about assisted living because of the stigma associated with it? Are they really afraid to go to the doctor because of what he might tell them? Try to delve into what they aren’t saying to find out why they are saying what they are saying.

If you’re still having a difficult time, try to talk to their doctor. See if he can tell you what is going on with them; maybe they don’t want to tell you what is happening. This may be difficult due to the HIPPA laws, but hopefully your parents listed you as a person your doctor can discuss their conditions with.

Enlist the support of friends or other family members.

Other siblings or family members may get them to open or listen if they’re not the ones involved with them on a daily basis. Your parents may not be so inclined to listen to you or other members of the family, but perhaps they will listen to an outsider, such as a close friend or neighbor. They tend to tell outsiders more than they will tell family. Think about it, don’t we all tell our friends/neighbors more than we tell our loved ones?

Focus on the benefits and outline the consequences

Should it come to assisted living being the answer, point out the benefits of assisted living. “Mom, you won’t have to cook and clean anymore, someone will do your laundry and housekeeping. Dad, no more lawn maintenance, or roof repairs. How great would that be?” If they are still determined to stay in their home, point out the consequences, “mom, what if dad isn't around and you fall, who is going to help you? Dad, what if you get into a car accident? I’m worried about you both and want to make sure you are being cared for 24/7.”

Don’t count on them changing

Your parents are your parents, they are grown adults and there may be nothing you can do to change their minds. Accept their decisions and move on with life the best you can for yourself and for them.

Give yourself grace

Lastly, don’t beat yourself up! You know you have tried everything you can possibly try to get help for your aging parents. There is nothing you can do if they refuse the help. Accept the situation for what it is and know what you can and cannot change.

What to do When Elderly Parents Refuse Help

The number one reason your parents are refusing help is usually fear; fear of the unknown. What is next? Am I losing it? Am I on my way out? If I accept help it means I can’t do anything anymore. These are all legitimate questions in their heads and you need to realize this so you can deal with the situation easier.

Make sure you involve them in the decisions being made about them and their care. This gives them some control over the situation and eases some of the burden off you while allowing them to accept this next chapter in their lives.

Most of the same tips above apply to help when they refuse help. However, if you find it becoming more difficult, or you don’t want to start this in the first place, please reach out to a senior advocate.

We are senior advocates at Assisted Living Made Simple and can walk you and your loved ones through the stages of aging. It’s what we do and we are honored to assist you and your family. Call today for your free consultation.

Make Valentine’s Day Special for Seniors

By Donna Nichols • February 5, 2025
Valentine’s Day tends to zero in on romantic love, but what about our seniors? They too often get forgotten. We have some ways to make Valentine’s Day special for them too. Spend the day with your loved one. Spending quality time with a loved one is more important to a senior than anything else. There is no greater gift than time and please make sure you have enough, so you are not rushed. Do your elderly loved one have a favorite meal? Perhaps you can prepare it for them, or if they are able, you can prepare it together. How fun would that be for you both? Be sure to discuss the enjoyment it brought you while you are sharing the meal together. How about a game of name that love song? You could prepare a playlist of love songs from the generation and play them to see how many they get correct. Or, if you can sing, you can sing some for them and see if they can recollect them. Take some time for reminiscing, go through old photo albums, or ask about old times. Ask them about when you were young and what trouble you caused; this will give you all something to laugh (or cry) about. Has your loved one been cooped up all winter? Take them out for a nice lunch, or weather permitting, a picnic in the park. Go for coffee and a donut, then head out to see a movie. Make a “date” of it. Maybe your senior is into crafts. You can design special Valentine’s Day cards for other family members. This way your senior can express their love for them and send it to them in their own unique way. You can create other greeting cards as well. Bake some special treats together. Does your senior have some favorite cookies or cake? You could bake it together, or you can bake it for them. Then you can enjoy it after you have the meal you prepared together. Yummy, delicious!! You can watch some romantic movies together if they prefer to stay in the house or the weather isn’t so good. If they like to color, you can buy them some of those large coloring books and you can color together. Don’t forget the decorations and the flowers! Make the house or apartment as festive as possible. Even if they live in as assisted living community, you can still decorate their room to the nines! Make it as festive as possible! If you live in another state or can’t be close to your senior for Valentine’s Day, how about sending them a specially crafted care package. You can hand make some gifts, add some photos of family and friends, and send a personally recorded message. You can bake some homemade treats and incorporate some things that are of personal interest to them. This will show how much you care for them and make their Valentine’s Day extra special even if you can’t be with them.  There are so many ways to make Valentine’s Day special for seniors. Let’s not forget about them; make sure to show them they are so loved too!

February is National Heart Month

By Donna Nichols • February 4, 2025
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Hydration Tips for the Winter

By Donna Nichols • January 8, 2025
I’ve written many blogs about the importance of staying hydrated in the summer, but did you know it’s just as important to stay hydrated in the winter months? I’ve shared some important tips on how to stay hydrated in the winter and why. Cold, dry air can dehydrate you easily and quickly. Even if you don’t feel thirsty. Proper hydration can help regulate your body temperature, maintain healthy organ function, and prevent fatigue, dry skin, and headaches. In the colder months, you do not feel thirsty, that’s why it’s so important to make sure you drink plenty of water. Why is winter hydration so important? Colder air tends to be drier causing moisture to evaporate through your breathing which can cause dehydration. In colder weather, you may not feel as thirsty, causing you to become dehydrated quickly. Also, wearing more clothing traps sweat inside your clothing causing more fluid loss. What are some of the benefits of staying hydrated in the winter? • Drinking enough water helps keep your skin hydrated and prevents dryness. This will help with that dry, itchy skin feeling we all get in the winter. • Water helps your body maintain a regular core temperature. Which is so important to maintain in the winter. • Drinking plenty of water supports your immune system, which helps fight off winter colds and the flu. We all want to fight those germs off! • When you are dehydrated, you become tired easily, so drinking plenty of water helps keep your energy levels up. How do you stay hydrated in the winter? • Make sure you drink plenty of water. Set reminders if you must; you probably won’t feel as thirsty in the winter, but you need to keep drinking that water! • You don’t have to drink cold water; room temperature water works. You can also drink tea or water with lemon, as long as you’re getting your water. • If you’re going out, carry a water bottle with you to ensure you have water to drink. • Eat fruits and vegetables that contain water. Tomatoes, lettuce, strawberries, watermelon, cauliflower, mushrooms, cucumber, apples, and pineapple are just a few that contain high water contents. • If you think you’re dehydrated, check your urine; if it’s a darker color, that can suggest dehydration. Urine should be a pale, yellow color. As you can see, staying hydrated in the winter is just as important as staying hydrated in the summer, if not more. In the winter you don’t realize you are thirsty therefore you tend not to drink as much water as you should. This has the potential of wreaking havoc on your body. Please make sure you drink plenty of water in the wintertime as you do in the summertime. We have rebranded our company, we are now Assisted Senior Services! Call us for ANYTHING SENIOR!! 386-847-2322!
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